I Shall Never Return

Never having been very impressed with the animated version of Boku wa Konomama Kaeranai (I Shall Never Return), I was not expecting to enjoy the manga version released by Deux Press. The anime OAV bored me to death with its flat characters and total lack of a plot, which I expected was a condensed version of the original manga. My surprise at finding that the OAV only covers the first chapter of the first volume of this five-volume series quickly melted into delight when I discovered that the manga story is richer, the manga's characters are stronger, and the manga's artwork is by far cleaner and more consistent. The anime version of I Shall Never Return hardly reflects the strength of the original manga.

Originally published in 1992, I Shall Never Return displays its more classic style from the very first page, as flowers burst around melodramatic scene from the shared past of our two main characters. Ken is a troubled young man whose parents divorced when he was young, leaving him alone except for his best friend, scholarly and responsible Ritsuro. Although Ritsuro passionately declares that he will be there for his young friend, as the two go through high school their friendship falls on hard times. Ken dropped out of school to "work," which includes selling his body for money. Ritsuro went on to lead a normal life in a normal home with parents and a sister, and even has a few girlfriends. Unfortunately for Ritsuro, they all end up sleeping with Ken, because Ritsuro seems uninterested in getting physical with them. These childhood friends fight frequently, yet again and again they are drawn back to one another. Ken hurts Ritsuro, but Ritsuro seems unable to let go of Ken. The manga illustrates their tumultuous, confused relationship beautifully with clean, expressive panels, frequently decorated by bursts of flowers so often seen in boys' love manga of the 1980s.

The boys' relationship develops into something quite beyond friendship by the end of the first chapter, where the anime version left off. From there, the story and artwork develop in tandem, growing cleaner, clearer and more engaging with subsequent chapters. Both Ken's secret life as a prostitute and Ritsuro's ex-girlfriend come back to haunt the unsteady new couple. Ritsuro's strange, almost OCD obsession with cleanliness expresses itself in a fascinating litany of the things he finds "dirty": first Ken for his sordid past, then Ritsuro himself for what they do together and the feelings he has. He struggles too with the continued presence of his ex-girlfriend, Moeko, and her pain at being rejected by Ritsuro. Moeko also seems to represent the normal life that Ritsuro has left behind by choosing Ken, a choice he questions in a series of melodramatic internal monologues that would seem out of place in a more recent manga.

Since this is a boy's love manga, the relationship of Ken and Ritsuro is the central focus, naturally, and it is a strangely fascinating one. Perhaps most fascinating is their physical relationship, which mangaka Kazuna Uchida neither shies away from nor details explicitly. The normal seme and uke roles have been completely abandoned as each character pursues the other and is pursued in his own fashion, even in bed. Most surprisingly, the boys have no defined roles even in bed, and switch off which one is on top in each intimate scene. With this kind of bedroom equality handled with such beauty and believability, the seme/uke dynamic seen in more recent manga looks like a crutch in comparison. Ken and Ritsuro's relationship comes off as more realistic and far more honest than most relationships in yaoi manga.

Deux's presentation and packaging suit Kazuna Uchida's simply clean shoujo art style perfectly, with quality paper and incredibly clean printing. The book is surprisingly heavy for a standard 192-page manga volume, with a solid binding that doesn't inhibit the book from opening but doesn't crack easily either. Deux does not offer any extras in this volume, but the high quality of publishing, the smooth, readable translation and the elegantly translated sound effects make this book more than worth the $12.95 price point.

The drama is quite intense in the first volume of I Shall Never Return, and coupled with a shoujo-esque, older art style, this series may seem distasteful to readers of more modern manga, especially if one had been disappointed by the OAV as I was. After sinking into this first volume and being swept away by the complicated, fascinating story of Ken and Ritsuo, I am glad that I gave this manga a chance, and eagerly await the next four volumes.